The Unfortunate Case of the Office Yoga Class
It was a typical Tuesday when Sarah from HR announced, “Alright, everyone, it’s time for the office-wide yoga class! Grab your mats and join me in the conference room for some relaxation and stretching!”
Jason, who was already exhausted from the morning’s barrage of emails, spreadsheets, and meetings, thought it would be a good way to actually stretch his stiff back for once. Plus, it was a mandatory activity, so he figured it was better to look like he was participating than to get side-eyed by Sarah all day.
He grabbed a random yoga mat from the storage closet, which seemed to have been there for ages and smelled faintly like old gym socks, and made his way to the conference room. When he walked in, he was greeted by an almost comical scene.
There was Sarah, standing at the front of the room in full yoga attire—bright purple leggings, matching headband, and a “Namaste” T-shirt. Behind her, an office whiteboard read: “Let’s Unwind Together: Office Yoga 101”.
“Alright, everyone!” Sarah announced with a grin, “Let’s start with some gentle breathing exercises. Breathe in, breathe out—easy, right?”
Jason wasn’t convinced. He couldn’t remember the last time he did yoga, but he figured he could handle “gentle breathing.” He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and…
Inhaled way too deeply.
The air in the room suddenly felt like it was made of cotton candy. His head spun. He tried to exhale slowly, but the deep breath felt like it was stuck in his chest.
“Uh, Jason?” Sarah said, noticing his panic, “You okay?”
Jason slowly opened his eyes, realizing that he had taken in an embarrassing amount of air, and felt the need to cough, but he managed to choke it back. “Yeah, yeah, I’m fine! Just… just stretching my lungs.”
Sarah nodded, unbothered. “Good! Now, let’s move to the Downward Dog. Just bend over and push your hands to the mat, making sure your feet are hip-width apart.”
Jason, who had never been particularly flexible, looked at the yoga mat like it was a riddle wrapped in an enigma. He bent down gingerly, trying to mimic the instructor’s stance, but his body immediately screamed in protest. His legs were like two stiff logs, and his arms? They didn’t quite reach the ground.
"Don’t force it, Jason," Sarah called out helpfully from the front. "Focus on your breath, not your body’s limits."
Jason tried to concentrate, but when he finally got into something that vaguely resembled the Downward Dog position, his knees buckled, and he nearly face-planted into the mat. He steadied himself, lifting his head, only to see Karen from accounting, who had clearly taken yoga before, casually doing a perfect Downward Dog beside him.
Why was she so flexible? Jason thought, his own legs still trembling from the effort.
"Uh, Sarah," Jason said, trying to regain his composure, "I think I’m more of a... standing dog than a downward one."
Sarah gave him a sympathetic smile. “Don’t worry, Jason! Yoga’s about listening to your body. Try the Child’s Pose. It’s easier.”
Jason nodded and quickly flopped into Child’s Pose. To his surprise, it was comfortable. Maybe yoga wasn’t so bad after all—until it came time for the next move.
“Alright, team,” Sarah said enthusiastically, “now let’s do the Warrior Pose. This one’s a bit more dynamic. Stand with your legs wide apart, one foot forward, arms extended, and feel the power of the warrior!”
Jason looked around. Everyone seemed to pull off this pose with grace. Sarah was practically glowing with warrior energy. But Jason? He stretched his legs wide apart, raised his arms, and immediately lost his balance, stumbling forward in a way that looked more like a fainting warrior.
“Jason, maybe try a bit less power?” Sarah suggested kindly, but Jason could see the tiniest hint of a smile.
“I’m just testing how strong I am,” Jason muttered, awkwardly shifting back into a less "powerful" version of the pose. At this point, he felt like his limbs were made of spaghetti.
“Alright,” Sarah called out with her usual enthusiasm, “now we’re going to end with some seated stretches.”
Jason eagerly took a seat, ready for what he assumed would be a much easier stretch. But then, Sarah instructed everyone to do the seated forward bend.
Jason hesitated for a moment, looking at the others, who were effortlessly reaching their hands past their toes while looking serene and calm. He tried to bend forward, but the only thing Jason reached was the deep feeling of embarrassment as he couldn’t even get past his knees.
“Oh, come on,” he muttered under his breath. He was sure that even a toddler could do this stretch better than him.
Finally, after what felt like hours of failed poses and awkward adjustments, Sarah clapped her hands and said, “Great job, everyone! You’re all getting more flexible by the minute!”
Jason, still trying to get feeling back in his legs, nodded weakly. “Sure, yeah. I think I just unlocked a new level of ‘stiff.’”
As the class dispersed, Sarah came over to Jason with a big smile. “You did great, Jason! How do you feel?”
Jason stretched his sore legs. “I feel like a warrior… who’s just been defeated in battle.”
Sarah laughed. “Well, at least you didn’t fall asleep in Child’s Pose like Mike did last week.”
Jason looked over and saw Mike from IT, who had indeed managed to nap through most of the class, his snoring barely audible.
“Well, I’m glad I didn’t do that,” Jason said with a smirk. "But I think next time, I’ll pass on the yoga class. I’m much better at desk stretches.”
Sarah smiled, patted him on the back, and said, “You can’t escape the yoga, Jason. You’re in the club now.”
Jason sighed, resigned to his fate. He might not have been the best at yoga, but he had definitely gotten a good laugh—and that was the real win of the day.
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